Living With Lupus

 

Ankle Surgery - Update
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On November 29, 2010, I went to the hospital to have ankle surgery.  I wasn’t ready to have surgery at all but that morning something changed.  My surgery was scheduled for late afternoon but I didn’t eat anything after midnight the night before.  When I arrived to admitting, I was ready!  As most of you know, there is a lot of paperwork to complete.  When I went to my room and started getting ready for surgery, I started to feel scared.  I’ve never been scared before but didn’t understand why it was happening.  I did what I normally do and just talked myself down.  I allowed my husband to take pictures of me so I can document it.  He’s never been able to do so in the past but I’m trying to change that.

When the anesthesiologist came in, he gave me something to make me comfortable.  I’m not someone who usually takes pain medication unless it is at a critical stage.  Whatever he gave me made me goofy.  Once I was in the operating room, they put the oxygen mask on me and I woke up in the recovery room.  I was in so much pain!!! It was an excruciating burning sensation and severe pain.  A nurse was telling me she would give me more pain medication.  I was in a lot of pain while I was in the recovery room.  I didn’t get comfortable until I made it back to my room.  The medication I got once I was in the room helped controlled the pain.  I remember asking for something to eat and they gave me crackers and juice. 

Since this surgery was a day surgery, they asked my husband to go to the drug store and get my prescription filled.  He left the hospital to get it filled and when he returned, they told him to make sure I take the pain medication as soon as I get home.  They wanted to make sure I stayed on schedule so I took the pain medication like clockwork.  They gave me Norco and while I was taking the medication, I started having the worst itching episodes.  I called the doctor to get a prescription for Benadryl but instead they changed the pain medication.

It took me about a week to get off the pain medication.  I’m usually in a lot of pain anyway.  I live at level 5 and so if I could get the pain to that level, I would be fine.  Every now and then it would go up to a level 7 and I would take a pill.  I just didn’t want the pain to get out of control.  Since I’ve had several surgeries in the past, I already had a wheelchair, crutches, walker and shower chair so I didn’t have to buy anything.  I must admit I utilized all of the equipment.  I’ve been getting around in the house using the wheelchair.  It’s must easy, safer and faster than the crutches.  The walker stayed in the bathroom next to the toilet and it also helped me maneuver to the shower.

On December 17, I got the stitches removed and was told to wear the boot for another month.  I was also told to try putting weight on it.  Put 25% of my weight on it for a week and increase it by 25% each week.  I’ve been really trying to be a great patient by listening to the doctors and doing what was asked of me.  So when I noticed that the incision had opened, I got so down and depressed.  At my New Year’s Eve party, I took my boot off because my foot was achy and saw the blood through my sock.  It was bright red blood so I knew the incision was opened.  I called the doctor and they told me to stay off of it and I have to take antibiotics and clean it with Betadine three (3) times a day.

I went back to work this week and have been working ½ days.  It has been very hard on me and I’ve doubted if I was really ready to return to work.  I asked the doctor if going back to work was going to hurt and they said no.  I just need to take care of the incision.  I want this to be over so bad and so quickly.  I’ve been trying to be a great patient but I do not have any patience.  This is my character flaw!  I just want to get back to being independent and drive my car.  I have to have someone with me to do a lot of things and I really miss my independent life.  Please forgive me for my soapbox.  I know that other people in this world have bigger and more substantial issues.  Just because I can’t drive now is just me being a spoiled brat!

I just want you to know I am very grateful for my life and everything in it.  My support team has been phenomenal.   My mother and husband have taken such good care of me and I just want to thank them again.  I love you both dearly and I could not make it through life without you!!!!

 

Living With Lupus - Goodbye 2010 - Hello 2011!

Wow, we are celebrating the beginning of another year!  Before I make a list of my new resolutions, I think I should reflect on a great year - 2010.  Yes it had so many ups and downs but I was so eager for the year to start.  I vowed to enjoy it as much as possible.  The medication I was taken had been doing a number on me.  I went to the doctor and told him the medication wasn't working and it was making me violently ill.  We decided to make a change.  The conversation I had with him was very disturbing and enlightening.  All of the new medications we tried in 2009 didn’t work so we decided to go back to the basics.  We would not worry about the side effects or the long term damage of the medication because it was the only thing to control my Lupus.  A while back, I was told I had to get off Prednisone because of the long term effects.  I was told I had five (5) years to live by a doctor but she was not my regular doctor.  Needless to say, that doctor never saw me again.  My regular doctor told me to not worry about what I was told and just focus on getting better.  I left the office feeling somewhat relieved.  After receiving that news, I took some time off of the social networking sites and spent more time with my family.  I’m not a doom and gloom person but I know if Lupus is not controlled properly, there are ramifications for my actions.

My daughter had her share of swim meets but it was a lot of fun sharing and laughing after the meets.  We spent a lot of time at the park and enjoying the sun.  We decided to take a vacation to Florida to enjoy the beach.  I got a chance to spend an entire day alone at the hotel.  It was a very special day for me.  I enjoyed myself so much that it changed my entire mindset and I didn’t want to leave.  When I came back home, I felt so down because I felt I was back on the wheel like a hamster.  I realized that is what vacations are for, you are to relax and enjoy yourself.  I just wanted to stay in vacation mode but I’m sure most people feel like that.

I went back to work and started feeling some pain in my right ankle.  I’m usually in pain but this was different.  I tried to ignore it but it got increasingly worst.  I went to the doctor and was told I had to have surgery to get it repaired.  I dreaded the fact of having another surgery but it turned out to the one of the greatest things for 2010.  It gave me a chance to relax again.  I’m such a high strung control freak and I have to be busy at all times.  In my last entry, I had a list of things to occupy my mind because I didn’t want to get bored.  Well, all I did was rest!  I didn’t write on my blog, read any books and barely played the Sims.  I did a lot of resting and it worked!!  I don’t want to go back to work.  The feeling I had on my vacation intensified and I wanted more of it.  Having to deal with a lot of things in life takes its toll on you and you will eventually break.  I was so tired of dealing with pain and anguish so I changed the way I looked at it.  I’ve been reciting the Serenity prayer and trying to live by it.

So for 2011, all I want to do is continue to feel excited about life, enjoy my family/friends and travel more.  I don’t want to sit here and say this is my year.  Every year should be my year.  I just want to enjoy the remaining hours of this one and look forward to enjoying as much of 2011 as I can. 

Remember to live life to the fullest and enjoy as many moments as you possibly can.  Lupus will knock you down but Lupus will not win!

Goodbye 2010 - Thanks for a great ride!
Hello 2011 - I look forward to getting to know you!

 

 

Surgery – Setback or Strategic Move

It’s been a very long time since I’ve written!  I started this blog because I needed an outlet for my frustrations and depression.  I got so fed up with life but I didn’t know what to do about it.  So, I just started trying to put it on paper.

I have been trying to enjoy life the best way I could.  I stopped letting Lupus run my life and I chose to make it into a game.  Every time I got a chance to enjoy something on my “to do” list, I gave myself 5 points.  When Lupus would show its ugly head, I would give it 5 points.  I started appreciating the small stuff and started feeling better about life!

This year has been an awesome year for me!  Yes, I’ve been sick but I’ve enjoyed this year so much.  I’ve been spending more time with my family.  We had a great summer vacation at the beach.  I was going to the doctor every month but now I’m seeing him every 3 months.  I’ve been hanging around more of my friends.  I even picked up a new hobby - garage sales!  I’ve been working on learning Spanish.  I laugh more even if I’m laughing at Lupus!  I joined the NAACP which I’ve wanted to do since I was 21.  I have been trying to do things that I deem important to me.

As I’ve been living, I’ve been in a lot of pain.  I started having pain in my right ankle.  It usually hurt if it rains so I was blowing it off.  I realized the pain was increasing even when the sun was shining.  It started to hurt in the middle of the night and the pain would wake me up.  I realized I needed to get it checked.  I went to the doctor and was told my ankle is collapsing.  I needed to have surgery to prevent it from falling completely.  Wow, I will truly be bionic.  Let’s see, I’ve had hips, left ankle and left shoulder replaced.  Now I have to get the right ankle reconstructed.  They are going to replace a bone with a screw.  My surgery is tomorrow and I’ve been having anxiety attacks.  I’m not ready but are we ever ready.  I would have to be off my foot for 6 weeks.  I cannot put pressure on it at all.  I will not be able to drive!  Since I’ve had other replacements, I have to protect them as well so I will be spending a lot of time in my wheelchair when I go out.  Lupus and Prednisone attacks my joints and makes them deteriorate.  Avascular Necrosis is the medical term.  My joints do not have a good blood supply to them.  Lupus and Prednisone deprives them which kill the joints.

This is the best time to have surgery.  Yes, it’s around the holidays but school will be out soon, it’s been really slow at work and my husband’s schedule has changed.  Since I’ve finally met my deductible on my insurance, the surgery will be cheaper.  Everything seems to be in place except for my mind.  There’s so much I think I need to get done but I’ve done everything.  I keep thinking I’m missing something but I guess I’m worrying too much.  Six weeks is a very long time!  I have things in place to occupy my mind.  I will read, work on the computer, play Wii games, play Sims, watch TV and work on my Spanish.

I have so much to do so tell me, why am I so stressed?  What is missing?  Why have I allowed my outlook to alter?  I’m not happy and I feel as though Lupus is trying to win the game.  If I don’t get a grip on my depression and frustration, Lupus will win.  My life has been too good to go back.  Is having surgery a minor setback or is it a strategic move?  I will not let Lupus win!!!!

 

Are You Truly Living?
The other day, I was reminiscing about how my life use to be.  I was thinking about how I could go and do day to day things without any hesitation.  Last year, I couldn't do any of that.  I had to stop going to the grocery store because I couldn't walk or stand for a long period.  I became so depressed until it was all I thought and talked about.  I was in so much pain and despair but I didn't know how to deal with it.  I found Tweeter and Facebook hoping to find someone out there who would understand how depressed I really was.  My family has always been my strength but I wanted to find someone else depressed so we could compare notes.  The saying "Misery Loves Company" is true.  I wanted to find someone who was just as miserable as I was.  This is what I was looking for but that is not what I found!  I found positive people who were living with Lupus.  Yes, there were some who were in such excruciating pain and wanted an outlet like me but the majority of the people tried to keep a positive attitude.  I must say the people that I've met changed my life.  I started feeling better about my life and my pain.  I found myself wanting to help those who were depressed like me.  It helped to put my pain aside to assist others with their pain.
 
I made a promise to myself after suffering so bad last year!  I promised I would Live With Lupus.  Since I've made that promise, I've been feeling better.  My husband says my positive attitude has a lot to do with it.  I realized that I was not spending a lot of time with my family outside the house.  We didn't go many places because I was always sick and tired.  Let's just say, I'm tired of being sick and tired!  So I have been taking swimming lessons and laughing a lot.  We've started doing a lot of things outside the house.  My body and spirit actually feels like they are in sync.
 
I had two doctor appointments this week.  I've seen my GI doctor and my rheumatologist.  The GI doctor (he's the one I have a crush on), told me the test results only showed irritation and I only need to take medication as needed.  All I need to do is make some adjustment to my diet.  I need to come to see him when needed.  Now I was very excited to hear the great news but realized I won't see him that often.  I will only see him now once a year but I can live with that!
 
The rheumatologist gave me great news also.  My test results were great and he told me to stay on the medication without any changes and come back to see him in 6 weeks.  I told him I was so excited I could give him a hug!  That's a complete different feeling because for a while, I just wanted to slap him all the time.  I told him about the swimming lessons and how it has helped me so far.  He was very excited that I'm doing this.
 
In my mind today, I think I might be in remission.  This has happened before and once it lasted for 5 years.  I am only taking 400 mg of Plaquenil and 5 mg of Prednisone.  I went from taking 17 pills to 3.  If I'm not in remission, then all of the other meds were killing me.  Since I've stopped taking all of the harsh and strong medication, I've been feeling great.  The only issue I have is weight gain.  I'm hoping the swimming helps.
 
I'm going to ride this train for as long as it last.  I don't know when Lupus will strike again and I'm not sitting around waiting for it to return and cause me grief.  I know I still have a chronic illness even though my pains are minimal.  I will never forget that but I am going to continue to truly Live With Lupus.  Are YOU truly living?
 
My Motto:  LUPUS WILL NOT WIN!!!!
 

Swim Lesson 3 & 4
In these lessons, I've had two teachers.  For lesson 3, I had Amy which is my original instructor.  She is a wonderful person with a great heart.  She is also my daughter's swim coach.  In the third lesson, I got in the water alone.  I did the warm up alone.  Amy was very impressed with me.  She said she knows I'm terrified of the deep water but I'm getting extremely comfortable with the shallow water.  Since I'm not a person to exercise on a normal basis, swimming has been really hard to me.  I am still using a kickboard for floating and it helps me achieve the comfort Amy was talking about.  Now she wants me to use the kickboard and go from one side of the pool to the other side.  The entire length I am swimming is 4 feet so I started trying and couldn't do it.  She told me to pace myself and give it some time.  The more I tried, the harder it got!  The nose sores were hurting and my legs were extremely weak.  I was starting to get frustrated.  I know I've only had 3 lessons but I just thought I would be able to go to the other side.  I think it may be the "overachiever" in me.
 
For lesson 4, I had a different instructor, Theresa.  She is a good friend of mine.  Amy had to go to school so I asked Theresa to help me.  She is also a wonderful person with a great heart.  When we got in the water, I told her about the warm up routine I do with Amy and showed her.  We did that and everything was great.  Theresa wanted me to try something different.  Instead of holding the kickboard because I was getting so tired, she told me to use the floating device, noodles.  So she went and got me two noodles just so I could feel comfortable.  I put them across my chest and held them under my arms.  It was very helpful and it allowed me to move better.  I started moving across the water better but my legs were still hurting really bad.  I started to rest more because I was so out of breath and hurting.  Since she is my friend, she told me the truth...she said "I am putting too much pressure on myself"!  I should be really satisfied with my progress and not to get discourage because I don't think I'm doing well.  So I tried to focus on what I was accomplishing and not how much pain and exhaustion I was experiencing.
 
She said she wanted me to try to float on my back.  I was so afraid to try this but she kept telling me she would hold me.  As I am holding tight to the "noodles", she is holding on to me and I am floating.  She said since I have the noodles, they will keep me floating so I tried it and I didn't go under completely.  My head stayed up but my legs didn't.  She told me to start kicking and when I did, I started to float completely and I was moving across the pool.  It was so much fun.  I felt like a kid just learning to ride a bike for the first time!
 
I really love swimming and I'm not swimming yet.  I love being in the water because it is so relaxing.  If I could just get out of my head that I am going to drown once I get in the deep end of the pool, I think I could be a great swimmer!  I've had a lot of pain in my hip so I took a few days off.  I'm going today and I won't be so hard on myself.  I will continue to enjoy it!
 
My Motto:  Lupus will not win!!!
 

Swim Lesson #2
I know it's been a while since I've written and been in the water.  Last week, the pool was closed for maintenance and it was spring break.  Today's lesson was awesome!  I was very nervous before I got there but it quickly went away when I got in the pool.  We did the drills she taught me before which helped me warm up.  She asked me to put on my goggles because we were putting our heads under the water.  I was so excited after I did it the first time.  It wasn't as bad as I thought and I really didn't mind putting my head under the water.
 
She went to get a "kickboard" so I could hold on to it.  She told me to put my head down in the water and kick while holding on to the board.  That was very hard at first because water was getting in my nose.  She kept telling me to blow out my nose.  I don't know if you remember but I have some sores in my nose so it was burning really bad.  We completed that drill and I didn't realize that I had been in the water for 30 minutes.  I was extremely tired afterward.  Even though I used a kickboard to help me float, I  went across the pool 3 times.  Now I had to stop about around 5 or 6 times to catch my breath but I did it.  My instructor, Amy, was so proud of me.  She said when I had my head in the water, she would let go of the kickboard and hold it when I came up to breathe.  I am really proud of myself!!!  I really want to accomplish this goal!  I'm tired of being afraid and so far, my fears were not necessary.  It has not been that scary!  My goal is to swim in 10 feet of water by the summer.  It may be an ambitious goal but I want this!!!
 
Now as far as my achy body, I went there feeling achy because the rain is coming.  I'm glad I got in the water; it helped me feel better.  My body wasn't achy or maybe since I was preoccupied, I didn't think about the pain.  I know swimming will help my body and my spirit!
 
Remember my motto....Lupus will not win!!!!!
 

FIRST Swim Lesson
I DID IT!! I DID IT!! It was the most exhilarating thing I could have done!  We were supposed to meet with each other on Monday but she had to reschedule.  I was extremely happy with that decision.  I've been trying to see how I could get out of going because I started having the panic attacks.  When I arrived at the pool yesterday, I got the biggest knot in my stomach and I kept telling myself to calm down, you will be fine.  I went in the locker room to change and start the freak out a little bit.  By the time I needed to get in the water, I was about to cry.  I was telling myself to "MAN UP", you are supposed to be stronger than this.  You have a goal, she will not let you drown; you will be fine.  The instructor, Amy, was so wonderful to me.  She made me feel so relaxed and comfortable, I could have walked on the water.
 
She started by allowing me to get comfortable in the water. We started in 4 feet of water and she said she just wanted us to walk.  She was talking to me the entire time about other things and it got my mind off the fact that I was in the water.  She got a kickboard (something to help me float) and she held the top part with me.  She asked me to kick like I was swimming while she held the kickboard.  We did that a few times and I did get a little nervous but I didn't quit.  We never put my face in the water but she managed to get close to the section of the pool that is 5 feet deep.  I'm 5'6" so it was starting to get really uncomfortable but she paused and said you are doing great!  I must admit, she made it seem painless and effortless.  By the time I finished, I was walking near the 5 feet alone!
 
I did have a few aches and pains.  I named all of my artificial parts and she said we will work around them.  She was teaching me to move my arms in a circle motion (breast stroke), it started to hurt in my joint area.  I had my left shoulder replaced so we stopped doing that and started doing the free style arm movement.  That is just reaching in front of you and pulling the water back.  It didn't hurt at all when I did that stroke.  She said she was trying to see what my limitations were.
 
Today, we are going to put my head in the water.  I'm a little bothered with that because I have sores in my nose.  I think it is going to burn like crazy.  I'm feeling liberated and excited because I am accomplishing a goal!  I encourage everyone to work on conquering a fear, it's a huge rush!
 
Remember my motto - Lupus will not win!!!!
 

Doctor Visit - Smelling The Roses
At my last visit with my rheumatologist, he stated he was not pleased with Cellcept and we would need to look at other options.  I was also having weird and vivid nightmares.  Today, I had my monthly appointment.  He asked me about any problems.  I told him about the pain in my hip and having to use the cane for a week and taking pain medication.  I rarely take pain medication because of how it makes me feel.  I explained I've been having problems with my stomach and I'm scheduled to have an endoscopy on Friday.  I explained the nightmares are gone.  They left after stopping the Gapabentin.  I'm able to sleep more when I'm not in pain.  He reminded me of our conversation last month and he stated since I've been on Cellcept for five months, it has not done the job it was supposed to do.  I was taking it to wean myself off Prednisone.  Since Cellcept has not worked, I have to discontinue taking it.  I now have to wait until the medication is out of my system and we will start over.  I must now take 5 mg of Prednisone 400 mg of Plaquenil.  We need to see how my body reacts to just that.
 
Now most of you know that I have been battling depression and something like this would definitely make me depressed!  It didn't affect me at all!  After the last visit with him when he stated we may need to look at other options, I've been rethinking how I should live my life.  I've been so consumed with being a lab rat that I forgot I'm a human being with a life.  I know I've been having several setbacks but I've been forgetting about the most important things in my life.  I think I broke one of my rules...I've been letting Lupus control my life.  Yes, I've been very ill and in pain but Lupus may have had my body but why did I give it my mind?  My family is the most important thing to me.  I am truly blessed with a loving husband and wonderful child.  I also have some of the best friends anyone could have!
 
I told the doctor this kind of news would usually depress me.  He agreed and said he loves the fact that I'm a fighter.  I've never given up and he admires that.  I told him I can't be depressed anymore.  My life should not be filled with all of the negativity of Lupus.  So I told him I'm going to learn how to swim so I can spend some time in the water with my daughter.  He thought that was the best thing to do.  As soon as it is warm enough, I am planning to have a picnic with them as well.  I need to get out and live my life with Lupus.
 
Living with a chronic illness is difficult.  The illness takes over our body and we do choose to give it our mind.  We must learn to appreciate what we have and enjoy it as best as we can.  I will do everything in my power to make sure I see a smile on my daughter's face.  The thought of me learning how to swim has excited her in ways I've never seen.  She is so elated we will be able to swim together.
 
Also in my writing, I started this blog to write out my frustrations but I rarely write about my excitement.  As of today, I will continue to write about me including the good, the bad and the ugly.  I just want to enjoy life and everything in it.  When I have to deal with Lupus, I will deal with it but it will stop consuming me!!!! 
 
Remember my motto - Lupus will not win!
 
 

Be An Advocate - It's Your Choice (Doctor Visit)
Per my previous entries, I've been having issues with my eyes.  I've been seeing this eye specialist because of the floaters and fluid I see in my left eye.  About a month ago, I went to see the doctor and the appointment didn't go well.  Needless to say, I fired him.  Here's the background story.....
 
In December, I woke up one morning and had black spots in my left eye.  I really didn't pay much attention to it at first.  I just thought it was some debris but it wasn't hurting.  After trying to wash it out several times, I decided to go and get it checked.  My regular opthalmologist recommended that I should see a "specialist".  I made an appointment the next day and saw him.  After the initial examination, he told me that the black spots and squiggly lines were fluid in my eye.  He stated I was a high risk candidate of getting "retinal detachment".  He stated if the fluid increases or if it comes to the other eye, please come back.  Two week later, there was a black spot in the right eye.  This spot was much smaller but it was there.  I telephoned him and he asked me to come in so he could check it.  After the exam, he stated things were still great.  I didn't have retinal detachment but if more fluid comes or if I start to see flashes of light come back.  Well, I went back a month later because more fluid was back and I saw flashes.  He started examining my eye and stated "Yes, there is more fluid in your eye".  He asked "Do you see flashes of light?"  I answered "Yes!"  He said he wanted to do another test on me to see if he could see if there was any detachment.  After the examination, this is what happened....
 
He got up from his chair and started pacing backward and forward in front of me.  (I am still in the examining chair.)  He stated.....
 
"Why are you here?  I can't do anything for you.  You keep coming back here expecting me to fix you, (he raises his voice and puts his arms in the air)  I CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!!!! What do you want from me?  If you keep coming back here, they will not pay for it.  It's a big surgery!  You will be put in the hospital and we will have to use a laser and it is extremely expensive."  (he stopped pacing)
 
At this point, I am shocked and livid!!  I ALMOST cussed him out.  I stated... The only reason I keep coming in here is because you told me too.  I do not want to lose my vision and you said if these signs of "retinal detachment" are happening to come back in.  He said "Well, everyone has floaters in their eyes."  I said "No, everyone I talk to do not.  I've even asked some people on the internet if they do.  The only people who has this issue are people with cataracts."  He answered "Well everyone has floaters and the people you are talking to are liars!
 
At that point, I started to wipe the crap out of my eyes and I was looking for my glasses.  He said you don't need to wipe your eye like that, you will scratch it.  The nurse assistant washed my eye out.  As I was still asking for my glasses so I could get out of there, he said "You were right to come in here.  I did tell you to come in if your symptoms were worse.  Why don't you come back in two or three weeks and we will see if your symptoms are any better?  I asked for my glasses and I got out of there.
 
Today, I had an appointment with his replacement.  She was very thorough and extremely polite.  I explained I had communication issues with the previous doctor but needed to find a replacement.  After the examination, she explained everything in detail.  She asked if I had any questions and listen to me.  I told her about my concern of losing my vision.  She said the floaters and fluid is more of a nuisance than anything.  If they become bothersome, she will remove them surgically.  I told her I do not want to have surgery so as long as I don't lose my vision, I could live with them.
 
Be an advocate and do not allow any doctor to mistreat you.  You know your body and you know what feels right and what is right.  You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  Just because you have issues, it does not give anyone the right to mistreat you.  Patients are people and doctors need to learn to respect and listen.  I left her office feeling great and respected.
 
Remember my motto - LUPUS WILL NOT WIN!!!!!!
 

Enjoying My Family
Now that my body has calmed down from the massive intake of Prednisone, I've started to enjoy things around me and relax a little bit more.  I've been spending more time with my family.  We've had a record amount of snow so we went out to play.  Even though I was having pain, I just didn't focus on it and enjoyed the time with them.  I fell twice in the snow and luckily it was so much, I didn't hurt myself.  My daughter threw a snowball at me and I lost my balance.  The other time, I was trying to walk in the snow and missed a step and fell.  We built a snowman and really laughed and enjoyed spending time together.  I was glad we got snowed in because it gave us a chance to spend some quality time with each other.  We have such busy schedules and it is great to slow down and enjoy each other every now and then.  I've been teaching her how to play Monopoly, Scrabble & Yahtzee.  She's really enjoying these games.  I'm enjoying her!  I've been told I'm an overachiever and I am raising one also.  She loves swimming and cheerleading!  She is the reason I am alive today!  My husband has been the rock of this family.  I've always been a very strong and independent person.  I'm also a control freak so I just want to "run" everything.  Since I haven't been feeling well lately, my husband has continued where I stopped.  He has been the best!  We've made it to where Lupus does not affect her much.  Yes, she knows I don't feel well but it does not keep her from doing the things she enjoys.  Now the snow is leaving and we are looking forward to warmer weather so we can have a picnic.  We have a beautiful park in our neighborhood and we are just waiting!
 
Now that I've stopped taken the Gabapentin, my weird, vivid dreams have stopped.  My doctor thought it was interacting with another medication I am taking.  My sleep pattern is off a little because of the high dosage of Prednisone but it is slowly coming back to normal.  I still have monthly doctor visits and know there are more in my future but as of today, I can live with that!  Life can be stressful at times.  I'm a married, working parent with Lupus.  But as of today, LIFE IS GOOD!
 
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